Gnome Place like Home
If my inner child had a physical manifestation, it would be a garden gnome holding a small wheelbarrow, shovel at the ready. I don’t have one (my daughter won’t let me) but I love what garden gnomes represent; a good-natured world where “we” and “nature” are in perfect balance–a utopian society much like the Smurf’s brought to television in the 1980’s.
When I was growing up, gnomes were the nerds of the garden world. Now gnomes are serious business. Unlike today’s Trolls, gnomes are not to be snickered at. Heck, have you priced them lately? Anywhere from $30 for a three-inch gnome to $230 for a little fella less than two feet tall. A recent “Gnome Festival” at a Hollyhocks Garden Essentials on Southeast Belmont found homes for 15 gnomes in one day. But these are not just any gnomes—today’s most popular supermodel gnomes have names like “Winklewisp” and “PorthKerry” and are lovely vintage reproductions of 17th, 18th and 19th century antiques sculpted by Welsh artist Candice Kimmel. In this country, the gnomes are made by a family in South Dakota who hand paints every single Kimmel creature.
Sure, gnomes still carry the heavy burden of a negative stigma, but they’re fighting back. In fact, the infamous Gnome Liberation Front (GLF) often pops up wherever Gnomes are being “exploited.” Some sleuthing of police blotters worldwide shows the G-L-F has a checkered past:
Dateline: 1997, Northern France. GLF’s ringleader is given a “suspected prison sentenced and fined for his part in the disappearance of about 150 gnomes.”
Fearing for their safety the subversive GLF goes underground.
Dateline: 1998, Eastern France. CNN reports a mass suicide of gnomes. 11 gnomes were found hanging by their necks under a bridge with this note; “When you read these few words we will no longer be part of your selfish world, where we serve merely as pretty decoration.”
Unfortunately, the G-L-F’s warning still was not heeded.
Dateline: 2000, Paris. CNN. The Garden Gnome Liberation Front stole close to 20 wee ones during a nighttime raid on a Paris exhibit. The GLF warned more would be kidnapped unless gnomes were “released into their natural habitat.” Exhibit organizers did not “bow to the Front’s demands.”
By this time, 6,500 gnomes had been stolen and relocated to forests and lakes.
Dateline: 2001, Saint-Die-des-Vosges, France. Priests found 84 of the stolen gnomes waiting for mass outside a cathedral in Eastern France. A sign above them read “Free at last!”
Dateline: 2003, Paris. 40 of the “freed” gnomes are condemned to life on the shelf of a “dusty cupboard” when police chief Michel Klein couldn’t find their owners.
It happens here too. Although I suspect the GLF is an adhoc, ragtag mob which strikes out of convenience, rather than necessity. Southeast Portland resident Holly Hood says keeps her gnome up close to her house “So no one can steal “Hollyhock” and he can’t walk away.” After all, there are recorded cases of garden gnomes traveling all over the world before finding their way back home. It is my theory that although disgruntled at times, Gnomes do suffer from separation anxiety. So it’s important to leave them alone and let them make roots in your neighbors yard, if need be, even if you suspect they’d be happier elsewhere.
Whether you have a home for a gnome is entirely up to you, just remember, gnomes are now coveted creatures with a secret life all their own.
